ShopAHolic
by TotalReCarl
Summary: Master Shake has a bit of a problem with his credit card...he spends to much money on it. Frylock tries to convince him to change his spending ways.


Spend-A-Holic

(We open up to a shot of the exterior of Dr. Weird's laboratory as the familiar music and crash of lightning are heard and seen.)

Dr. Weird: (V.O) Gentlemen…..Behold!

(We soon cut to the inside of Dr. Weird's lab, as the steel doors open to reveal a bunny rabbit, which hops twice towards Dr. Weird and Steve, then twitches it's nose.)

Steve: ….Um…..Sir…..it's just a rabbit….

Dr. Weird: So you think….but this is no ordinary rabbit…. (He slowly picks it up) This rabbit….has been infused….with the DNA….of pure….bloodthirsty….evil! Behold!

(He tosses the rabbit towards Steve. The rabbit doesn't lunge at him or make any attempt to hurt him though; it simply twitches its nose, then hops away.)

Dr. Weird: (After a 5 second pause) Ah mother (Bleep)er…..

(Cue opening theme song and animation. Once that is finished, we cut to a shot of Shake silently watching TV. This goes on for about 10 to 15 seconds before slowly, Meatwad rolls into the room and up next to the chair that Shake is sitting in.)

Meatwad: Hey…..Hey…… (Pokes Shake in the side)….Whatcha doing?

Shake: (Annoyed sigh) Well…..I was "trying" to watch my stories….but now apparently I'm being bugged by you….

Meatwad: I was just wondering if you wanted to play is all…

Shake: Do I "look" like I'm in the mood to play grease ball?

Meatwad: Uh…..yes?

Shake: (Laughs) Oh….Oh ho, ho….that's cute….real cute….in fact, so cute, that I won't hit you with a baseball bat across the room right now….

Meatwad: You know, you promised you were gonna play with me today….so I'm just…

Shake: Ok, look…..I want you….to stop talking…..ok? Do not….open your mouth….form out words….and expel them out to me….for any reason…..whatsoever…

Meatwad: But…

Shake: Ah! Not one word…..

Meatwad: But that….

Shake: Ah! Not…..one…..

(Meatwad and Shake are now silent for about 10 seconds before, slowly, Meatwad rolls up a bit closer to Shake)

Meatwad: So…..what show are you watching then?

Shake: Welp….that's it….I warned you….it's baseball bat time… (Gets out of the chair)

Meatwad: No, No! No baseball bat! The baseball bat hurts!

(Meatwad rolls away as Frylock comes floating over to Shake)

Frylock: Shake….I need to talk to you for a second…

Shake: Ah, of course….here comes Mr. Gay McGayerson to ruin my day…..what can I do for you Mr. McGayerson….

Frylock: Not much….I just want to show you something…. (Reaches behind him and pulls out what appears to be a large bill) Tell me….what…..is this?

Shake: A piece of paper….

Frylock: Good….and what is written on this piece of paper, hmmm?

Shake: Wha? Ah jeez…let me see…. (Examines the paper) It's the credit card bill….ok, can I please get back to my stories?

Frylock: (Going on) Now tell me….how much….is this bill for?

Shake: Wha….What is this…..is it "Bug Shake with retarded questions" day? Because you know….the last time I checked….it was not "Bug Shake with retarded questions" day…..It's Arbor Day….therefore….retarded questions will cease now…..

Frylock: (Losing his patience) How much….is this bill…..for?

Shake: (A pause, he sighs and reads the paper) three thousand….seven hundred and eighty nine dollars……and fifteen cents…

Frylock: Good….Now then….tell me Shake…..WHEN THE HELL WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME ABOUT THIS DAMN BILL?!?

Shake: You know….Today started out so nicely….I had a good sleep….my toast didn't burn….my stories today were especially good….and now this…..

Frylock: First of all….I want to know where you even got this credit card….

Shake: Um…..from Jesus….

Frylock: And second….I'd like to know how you expect this bill to be paid….none of us have jobs!

Shake: I have a job! I do! I'm just….um…not….at it…..today…..or any of the weekdays….or the weekend….but I have one!

Frylock: (Reading over the bill) Look, Look, Look at this junk….a five hundred dollar TV…..two hundred and fifty dollars worth of beef jerky….

Shake: Hey, Hey, Hey! Don't be knocking the jerk pal…

Frylock: (Going on) A thousand dollars in porn on the internet?!?

Meatwad: (V.O) Did someone just say porn?

Shake: Quiet you! And as for that…It was purely….for educational purposes…..about….how….I can…..be sexually aroused…. Listen to me….I am only going to say this once….I want this entire bill somehow paid off in full….and I don't want you too spend anymore money with that damn credit card of yours….

Shake: Oh! Ooooooh! So, so when you use the credit card…it's all right….but when I use it….we get all whiny and womany!

Frylock: …I don't use the credit card….or any credit card….

Shake: Oh sure….Oh sure yeah….you say that now….Then next month….ka-pow! One thousand dollars in…..whatever gay things you like….

Frylock: Don't say I didn't warn you Shake….remember….I want that bill paid…. (He floats off)

Shake: Oh yeah….You float away bitch….like you always do! (A pause) Cause you're a bitch…..therefore making you float away always….

Meatwad: (V.O) You tell him man…

Shake: I thought I told you to shut up!

Narrator: Damn Shake….you be spending way too much money….what's wrong with you fool?

(We soon cut to Shake watching television again, with Meatwad standing next to the chair Shake is sitting in.)

Voice on TV: Yes folks! You can get this 15 piece steak knife set, This electric blender, and this orange juice maker, only for three easy payments of ninety nine ninety five!

Shake: (Gasps) I am so there! (Gets up) Now where's the phone?

Meatwad: Now wait a minute! Didn't Frylock say you isn't supposed to use your credit card anymore?

Shake: (A pause) Oh….Oh I'm sorry….I think you've mistaken me for someone who actually gives a crap about what Frylock says….Now then, where is that phone?

Meatwad: But Frylock is much smarter then you….so if he says to not do something, I would suppose you ought to not do it….it seems like the sensible thing to do…

Shake: (Sighs) If you….were to keep quiet….for a whole day….I would seriously give you….20 dollars….20 imaginary dollars…

Meatwad: Really?

Shake: Right, and 20 imaginary dollars are much better then 20 regular dollars….

Meatwad: Well all right!

Shake: There we go! Now then, start being quiet….now!

(Meatwad opens his mouth to speak, but he soon closes it, looks up at Shake, and rolls off.)

Shake: Yep….like talking to an infant…..Now, to get my card and the phone…

Meatwad: (Comes back in) Ok, one more thing before I keep quiet….uh….Frylock is really, you know….angry at you….so maybe you should….you know….not use the credit card…

Shake: You're gonna lose yourself 20 imaginary dollars…

Meatwad: No, No! I'm just telling you that maybe you should try another way to get your steak knives….and your juice maker…..heh…..yeah….juice maker….I could use a juice maker…..cause every so often I hanker for some peach juice….mmmm mmmm yeah…

Shake: (Sighs) You know what, If it'll shut you up….fine….I'll try another way….

(We soon cut to the front of Carl's house, where Shake is knocking on his door. Soon, the door opens, and Carl steps out)

Shake: Carlos! My main man!

Carl: Ok….Didn't I tell you the last time you knocked on my door that I'd take my shotgun and blow you away if you bugged me?

Shake: I don't quite recall that….Carlos my man….I want to ask you….a favor….

Carl: A favor huh? Oh sure, sure….You can ask me a favor….just with me inside my house with the door closed, and you with you standing outside… (He attempts to close the door, but Shake blocks it)

Shake: Carl please! I mean seriously….When….have I ever asked you….for anything, huh?

Carl: When huh? Jeez….wow…..If I….If I mentioned every instance of when….We'd be here for awhile….

Shake: (Going on) Listen….I just need this one favor….and then I'll never ask you for another favor, except asking to go in your pool….again…..I need….to use….your credit card….

(Silence for a beat)

Carl: Ok, what do you need, seriously? Cause I know you didn't just ask for my credit card…

Shake: Carl, now come on, we're pals right? Amigos?

Carl: ….No….

Shake: Oh god dammit Carl, would you stop being gay and just let me…

Carl: For your information….I only use my credit card…..for emergencies….such as ordering porn….and prostitutes….now if you would please….go away…..and leave me alone….forever….thanks…

Shake: Well….can I at the very least take a quick dip in the pool?

Carl: I'm getting my gun…

Shake: (Begins to go off) All right, fine….fine….sheesh….see if I ever help you out again….

Narrator: Aw man….looks like Carl ain't gonna help out Shake…..what's a brother to do now huh?

(We soon cut back into the house, as we see Shake seated in a darkened corner of his room, in the shadows, whispering on the phone)

Shake: (Whispered) Yes….I'd like to order….the steak knife set…..it comes with the blender and juice maker right? (Pause, he listens) Good….ok….my name is Master Shake….and my credit card number is…

(He is suddenly cut off, as there is a knock on his door)

Frylock: (V.O) Shake, you in there?

Shake: Er, uh, er….don't come in yet….I'm uh…..finger painting! (Into the phone, whispered) I'll call back later! (He hangs up and goes to the door) I'll be right there!

(Shake slowly opens his door and peeks out at Frylock)

Shake: Uh….hey there pal…..what's up?

Frylock: Not much…..

Shake: I…..I totally…..wasn't ordering something expensive and unnecessary on my credit card just now…..

Frylock: (5 second pause) I…..wasn't even going to accuse you of that….

Shake: …Oh…..Well uh….that was just a….heads up…..just in case you were thinking that….

Frylock: (Pushes his way into the door) Where's the credit card?

Shake: Now, Now Frylock….before you do anything….just remember this…..who was the person….who saved you from being buried alive in that avalanche 10 years ago?

Frylock: What? I was never caught in an avalanche!

Meatwad: (Rolls in) It's true, he wasn't…

Frylock: Shake, I hate to do this….but until you can get a job and pay back all of the credit card debt you have….I'm going to have to take your card….

Shake: What?!?! What?!!?

Frylock: It's for your own good…. (He goes to Shake's bed and takes the card)

Shake: You….You give that card back you….you son of a….

Frylock: I might give it back when you learn some responsibility with money….

Shake: I…..you….I…..the…..well….you know what? You know what? Screw you Frylock? Christmas….when I give out my gift cards to everyone….you know who won't be getting one? You! Yes you! Let that sink in for awhile!

Meatwad: I don't know about that….you give out….like….2 dollar gift cards….you can't get diddly with that….

Shake: Do me a favor and just….go play in traffic would you?

Meatwad: ….I already did that this morning…

Shake: Well do it again! And don't come back till a car hits you!

(We soon cut to later on in the night. Frylock is asleep in his bed. Soon however, we hear his door opening, and the shadowy figure of Shake creeps in.)

Shake: (Whispered) He's bound to have that friggen credit card around here somewhere…

(Shake begins to rifle around Frylock's room, tossing away various objects as he does, in search for his credit card.)

Shake: God dammit….Where is it?

Frylock: (Stirs awake) Wha? The hell is….Shake?!?

Shake: What? Huh? Uh…..Whoa…..Whoa! How did….How did I wind up in here?!? I must have been sleepwalking!

Frylock: Dammit Shake! I know you came in here to get your credit card!

Shake: Credit card? What is this credit card you speak of?

Frylock: Quit playing with me Shake! I already told you, you are not getting the card back until you keep your spending impulse under control and you work off your debt!

Shake: Frylock….please don't make me get my card back….by force….

Frylock: By force huh?

Shake: (Ominous voice) Yes…..if you don't….give me back my card….in 5 seconds….I will use my scanning powers…..to blow your head off….

Frylock: Oh really?

Shake: Yes really….5…..4…..3…..2….1……

(Several seconds go by, and nothing happens)

Frylock: …I'm waiting….

Shake: Oh don't worry….it's coming….any minute now….you're head is gonna explode….yep….here it comes….

(Several more seconds pass)

Shake: ….Ok seriously, just give me back my card….

Frylock: Um….no….. (Blasts Shake to the floor with beams from his eyes)

(We soon cut to the living room, where Shake is now tied up in the chair. He is silent for several seconds, then, he speaks)

Shake: Hey Frylock?

Frylock: (V.O) Yeah?

Shake: Can you untie me now?

Frylock: (V.O) Are you gonna use your credit card again?

Shake: …Possibly….

Frylock: (V.O) Are you going to get a job and pay your credit debt?

Shake: ….Maybe?

Frylock: (V.O) Then have fun being tied up….

(Cue End credits)


End file.
